Exploring Self...

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 0 Comments

They say, "It's not the reader who chooses the book, but the book, which indeed, chooses its readers!"; I feel as if I am coming closer to this level. Today, I don't want to write for the sake of choice of readers. I don't want to make this article dented & painted so as it to look vocabulary-rich or error-free; I just want to write the way I feel for this. And this confidence has come only after I've learnt to live the way I always wanted to. A torrent of thoughts flowing up and down in the very veins through the streets & crossings of my mind. I am able to express and talk to myself. Ah, what a great feeling it is! Of all so many years, I've been thinking for the sake of others. Accepting good, what is perceived to be good; Rejecting bad, what is perceived to be bad. How faithfully I've deceived my inner voice; And, how successfully I've lost faith upon myself . However, now I'm enjoying the realization of this ignorance. After all, it's never too late. If I had wasted past so many years of my life in ignorance, I still have forth so many years to live in this realization.

For instance, I used to think that forgiveness is an act of bravery, a virtue of great people. I felt pity for those who could not forgive their loved ones. I thought they were conservative and not open to expanding their horizons to include committing & forgiving of mistakes. I was always one who used to forgive. And now I know why: because I didn't have the courage to not forgive and let it be. I couldn't afford the loss of loosing my loved ones. I didn't dare to go against them. How coward and ignorant I was...! I have accepted all practices without questioning. Until I don't keep stretching a rubber band, how would I know of its sustainability? How incomplete that knowledge is, where there are no questions ever asked and no answers ever given.

For a moment, I finally am able to be in state of neutrality, a state when one neither feels joy, nor sorrow. This neutral expression of my senses is more ecstatic than of the most jovial of the feelings. There is no fear of loosing any happiness after flash-off of the moment. It's an immortal feeling. I don't lament of being any older nor don't gay of being any younger. I am learning to be selfish for the selfless causes. I am denying the theory of  every such thing which I've never tested against. I have the whole universe to discover and explore- not the universe that is outside, but one that is inside me. I have to rediscover my self-being when I am ready to accept and reject everything; when I am able to run and stand still; when I want to love and hate; when I feel to be an altruist as well as an avarist; when I want to live and die and when I want to explore, explore and explore...

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.