The Great Indian Aunties Pressure

Monday, April 06, 2015 0 Comments

With all due respect to the great Indian aunties, I am daring to touch this topic today. A topic that has been annoying me, and I-believe-almost-every-kid-in-our-country, since a long, long time - and I can't remember a single day of my life when I didn't feel that pressure around, so I believe it would not be an overstatement to say- or since our very birth. I learnt of all kinds of pressures in Physics - understood why wind flows from one direction to the other due to pressure difference - but I could never understand the exact theory behind the Aunties Pressure - a pressure that comes from all directions, that has no definite purpose (except of what i could learn in all these years - disturbing our peace of mind), that constantly works against us (no matter what we are doing in life), that slowly but continually pushes us to complete freaking zones, etc. Thanks to our great first aunts - maternal and paternal, and seconds, and thirds, and everyone-I-know-of, or don't-know-of  who shows her great concerns and sympathies and well wishes to my family!!!!!

For some unapparent reasons on earth, aunties are never happy and satisfied with what you are doing in your life. Their brows always get tensed and slanted up whenever there flows a news of someone's kid doing good, or doing bad, or doing nothing. They have problems with all your personal matters. They have opinions on the topics they don't have a slight idea of. They want to give you their valuable advices when you don't even have asked for it. But they would. If they can't give it directly, they would pass it on, to other relatives, and this bhalaai-ki-baat (noble cause process) would continue to pass on until it reaches to your parents ears, and finally becomes the pain of yours!

In India, it's really weird how shamelessly people interfere in others life so casually, calling it their special care or love. I am utterly bored of  it, whatever you call it -

Bhabhi ji ki beti ne kaise kapde pehnne shuru kar diye hain, bilkul chhote aur tight. (Thanks to your observation toward dress, but not work, or academic achievements)

Samne walon ki ladki ghar der se ati hai roz raat mei. (I wish you knew her office timings!)

Mausi-ji ka beta sharaab bahut peeta hai; kaise shaadi hogi? ( He's not impotent I guess. By the way, your own "laadla" beta also joins him every time he drinks.. I wish you'd focussed on your own kids before others!!)

Inki bahu sar mei palla hi nai karti. Office jati hai to kya hua, sanskaar to hone hi chahiye! ( Let's keep sar mei palla all the time, and insult your in-laws. Would that be called sanskaari? Haan?)

Chacha ji k beti ka bagal walon k yahan kuch chakkar chal ra hai. Hamesha wahan padhai k bahane se jati rehti hai. (Maybe, she really goes there for studies. And what if she is having an affair. Did your kids never have it?)

Bhai-saahab, bahut padha liya hai ladki ko, ab shaadi-waadi bhi kar do, warna koi ladka milega nai! (Oh, great idea! Maybe you shouldn't let your kids and grand kids go to school. It will be easier for your to marry them off!)

Ek saal ho gaya inki bete k shaadi ko, abhi tak bachcha nai hua hai. Kuch gadbad hai kya? (There is something called "Family Planning" - which is a highly private and personal choice!)

These remarks don't remain just remarks. Our most beloved aunties, some due to true concern, and most due to true jealousy, try to induce the Pressure in all these social gatherings. They start conversations about you being the centre of today's discussion. These discussions go on great length and get highly embarrassing for your parents to support your stand after one point. There you go! The Pressure starts peeking in. That pressure is now secretly transferred to your family members. 

Now let's try to understand this Pressure theory. Like most other conservation laws in Physics,

Pressure can neither be created, nor be destroyed. It can only be transformed from one form to the other.

My interpretation is -

Our aunties have their own pressures, from their other relatives. They also become victim of social nonsensical talks, where their kids are questioned, and judged. They just want to shift this pressure from their heads to your parents'. That's it. 

Our highly pressurized parents would talk it over with each other first. Some super nonsensical things, they would just digest off. Rest they would transfer to you, under that high pressure. That pressure would distract you from what you are doing in life - making you shift your attention from important to trivial issues -  from what-you-want-to-do-in-life to what-your-aunties-want-you-to-do-in-life. But this is a never ending process. Because no matter what you do, aunties will always have problems with that.

So I won't call it a great way of handling pressure. And I won't say that one must get rid of his/ her own pressure through moving it from one to other. Instead let's transform your pressure to some great energies. Take your aunties less seriously. Let them enjoy the feeling of your worthlessness. Let them blabber about success of their kids. To keep it simple and short, let's just say it once -

Dear aunt, mind your own business, please! ;-)

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard.